Curse

Ares Runeblade · Aug 24, 2005, 05:56 AM // 05:56

This is my take on who is the mastermind behind the destuction of Orr, the Searing, and a few other things. This is purely fictional, abosultely absurd, and doesn't get any more off topic than this. Here goes

"It's obvious who the masterminds are here. It's clear that the forest animals will soon rebel against us. The uncharmable bears from Pre-Searing are only the start. The Charr have known about this for a while, they've even tried to warn us and prevent it. The searing? That wasn't an attack on humans. That was an attack on the squirrels. That's right, I said squirrels. It's so obvious that they are the future rulers of the world. Only the squirrels could have the infulental power of cuteness, of a high enough magnitude, to bring destruction to all of Tyria.

The destruction of Orr? It was all a ruse. The Grand Vizier never used the scroll. It was the squirrels and the rest of the animals. Don't believe me? Then you've never listned to the sacred moss found in the cave of something in someplace in the Desert.

Ah, but I can not show you the way. You must find it by doing the following. Kill Glint while under the infulence of 20 Dwarven ales, then kill your duplicate in less than 5 seconds (Think Matrix people), proceed to the first Ascalon mission, and kill Bonfaaz Burnfur, then proceed to Lion's Arch, and listen to the frog for three hours stright. A glowing path will take you to this cave, where the Cave Moss will recite lines from the unholy text of Cthulhu. Listen for the words telling of the deeds of Death (pronounced dee-ath), and Swift. They will appear and fight you.

You cannot kill them, nor will you have to. If you had listened to the frog, it should have said that you must give them the tapestry shred, which was used as a napkin in your drunken stupor. Have Alesia, and ONLY Alesia sneak behind them and gag them with the alcohal soaked rag. They will drop two stones. One you give to The lich, and on you give to the Seer.

This will cause the lich to sing "Stairway to heaven", while the seer merely turns into a chicken. Procede to the Fissure, and enter with only you. No other enemies will you find, but Gwen in her red cape, and flute in hand. Begin attacking her, and beg for mercy when she repeats the following "My three favorite things to do are: play my fulte, dance, and burn down cities". This will cause her to became angry, and slay you instantly, sending you to the underworld where you will be given the skill, Summon a squirrel.

Having had to go through all of that, has gained the attention of the dark lord Cthulhu, and he will extend a guild invite to you. For the sake of the story, you must accept. Your guildmates will understand. One done, you are now free to travel to a RL Earth, and begin assembling your army of squirrels, and other forest animals for the utter destruction of Human kind, and the begining of the Age of Fur. This has been a presentation from your local happy hotel, where everything is medication, smiles, and white. Thank you, and good night"